Good Time

Naughty Zane stole a cat from his township. He went to a nearby township to sell it. He entered into a house where he found a granny. "I'm selling this cat for R50,' said Zane. "What is the point of having a cat while I don't have rats in my house?" Asked the granny. Ok, I'll organize ten rats for you at R5 each." Replied Zane.

A circus owner popped into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was extremely impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After lengthy negotiations they settled for R10 000 for the duck and the pot. A few days later, the circus owner returned to the shop extremely angry. "your duck is a rip-off. I put him on the pot before an entire audience and he didn't dance at all", complained the circus owner. "Hmmm... ", recalled the duck's former owner. "Did you remember to light the candle under the pot? Asked the original owner.

A couple checked into a hotel. The husband wanted to quench his thirst with a few glasses of whisky at a bar, but his wife was extremely tired so she decided to go and sleep at the room. After stripping off her clothes, she climbed on the bed... and just then, an elevated train passed by very close to the window and the room was shaken so hard that she was thrown out of bed down to the floor. She thought that was just an isolated incident, she climbed on the bed again. So violently, another train passed and shook the room again. She found herself on the floor. Trembling with extreme fear, she called the receptionist and asked for the manager. The manager promised to be coming. The manager pitched up and the woman narrated her story. The manager was in disbelief but the woman insisted that the story was not a joke. "Listen, lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!" The manager did just that. He lied next to her. Within a minute, they were down on th...

A drunk man appeared in front of a judge on charges of drunken driving. The judge said, "You have been brought here for drinking while driving". The drunk man replied, "Oh, I was afraid, where is the stuff, let's get started again".

Interviewer: What is the antonym of Good? Linda: Bad. Interviewer: White? Linda: Black? Interviewer: Tall? Linda: Not tall? Interviewer: You are wrong! Linda: You are right. Interviewer: Keep quiet. Linda: Keep talking. Interviewer: Fine, now stop all that! Linda: Fine, now start all that. Interviewer: March out! Linda: Come in. Interviewer: Oh my God! Linda: Oh my devil. Interviewer: You have failed! Linda: I have passed.

Albert became attracted to a married woman,Eunice. She owned a beautiful big house. Albert: Where is your husband? Eunice: I don't know. He went missing a couple of years ago. Cops had been searching for him but in vain. I really have no idea of what happened to him. Albert quickly believed that he was the main man in the house. He assumed the responsibilities of a husband. He would even do some gardening, planting vegetables in the garden. After two years after he had settled, one day , while he was doing some gardening, something he liked most, Albert made a gruesome discovery. He dig out a human skull. As he was busy observing the shocking discovery, a neighbors noticed this and came to the garden. They were convinced that it was a male skull and they linked it to that of the long missing man, Eunice's husband.

A teacher asked his class to draw up a frog and he went to the toilet to relieve himself.After a few minutes, he came back and wanted to see the frog. He saw it from other pupils. But when it was Sam's turn to show the frog, he has just drawn a huge stone. "Where is the frog?" Asked the teacher. "Sir, you took too long to come and check, now the frog is just under the stone", replied Sam.

Cedric owned a small grocery shop in town. The shop was busy and making a lot of money for him. After a few months in business, a giant store opened its doors next to his. His shop was overshadowed by this huge competitor as a big board was mounted above the door. "Low Prices Here", the board read. Out of desperation, seeing that the competitor meant business, Cedric mounted a huge board above his door too. It read: "Entrance Here".

In the middle of the night, Mr Jones was asleep with his heavily pregnant wife. The wife complained that she was going to labor. Mr Jones immediately woke up and called a nearby doctor to come and assist in the delivery. The doctor arrived carrying a lantern. He asked Mr Jones to hold it. "Hold this high up so that I can see what I'm doing," ordered the doctor. A few minutes later, a baby boy was born. "Whaw it's a handsome  little boy! The doctor said. "Don't put the lantern down yet... I'm convinced that there is another one coming." Said the doctor. Within minutes, another little baby had been delivered. "No, no Mr Jones don't rush into putting down the lantern.... Seemingly, there's another one coming." said the doctor in astonishment. The new father scratched his head in disbelief and asked the doctor, "Is it not this lantern that is attracting them?

A junior secondary teacher asked his class to make a sentence with the word "beans". "The beans are grown in my father's farm", said a clever girl. "My sister cooks beans in the morning", boasted a boy. A third student stood up oozing confidence, "We are all human beans."

An old man went to work on a payday. He wore torn clothing and gumboots so that thugs could not think he has money. He received his wages in an envelope. After receiving his hard earned wages from the window, he hid it in the boots he wore and left the workplace. On the way home, ruthless thugs emerged from the bushes and charged at him. They searched him for money, but they couldn't find it. They kicked him as they were leaving in disappointment. They insulted the "lucky man" saying he was an irresponsible father and husband who went to his family barehanded. Because the old man hated to be associated with irresponsibility, he responded, "You're lying, here is the money," taking it out of the boots.

Themba  was travelling down a country road in his tractor. He noticed a huge crowd of people parading outside a farmhouse. He pulled off the road and asked the farmer why there was such a crowd of men gathering there. The farmer replied, "Sbu's donkey kicked his mother-in-law to death." "Well, replied Themba, " She must have had a lot of friends." "Not really," said the farmer. "We are all biding to buy the donkey."

Just as he was rapping up his day's sermon, the pastor gave his congregation a homework. "Next week I'll be preaching about the sin of lying. For you to have a clear understanding of the sermon, please read Mark 17 once you are at home." The congregation unanimously agreed. The following Sunday, as he was starting to deliver his promised sermon, the man of God asked all those who managed to read Mark 17 to raise up their hands. He wanted to know how many had read the chapter. All hands were up. The pastor replied with beaming smile but in disappointment at the same time, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now carry on with my sermon on the sin of lying."